Kindness matters

I was staggered, yes, staggered when I finally got round to adding the cluster map to my side bar and discovered that over 100 people visited my blog yesterday!!! I can't believe it 109 people in 1 day. Who are you all? Wow. I'm feeling all shy and unworthy now, but also quite thrilled.



I keep finding posts that I thought I had sent already, maybe I have? These are more blue gas bottles, every time I see some I take a photo - ridiculous. Not as ridiculous, however, as when I went to register with a new doctor today. You may want to skip reading this, it's going to be a big RANT.

I hate going to the Doc, I avoid it like the plague and haven't registered locally since moving here over 3 years ago. But, I'm getting worse instead of better so I need to be sure of what's happening. It took all my energy to walk there so I had to sit outside and rest for a while before going home. I stupidly decided to try and head back after only 20mins because I wanted to get back before the schools came out. Bad idea.


If only these were Doctor's opening hours

My legs went wobbly and I was gasping for breath within a minute of walking. I had started to hyperventilate a bit and need a drink so I figured it'd be ok to ask at the reception for some water. They were very nice about it, and one woman popped out after a few minutes to see if I was ok (I was sitting under a tree with Lucy trying to get my breath back) and checked to see if the duty doctor would see me. Unfortunately as their computers won't be working until Thursday I am not a patient yet so the Doctor wouldn't see me. Frustrating but I understand that it's all about paperwork and red tape these days. Luckily the sun was shining again and the ground was not too wet so I knew I'd probably be ok to try and go home after 45mins rest.

My neuralgia pain (and new pain that is taking me to the Doc in the 1st place) was acute and I was still struggling to breath normally when the receptionist came out 5mins later and asked me to come over with Lucy. Thank goodness I thought, the Doctor has changed their mind. No such luck, she was asking me not to sit where I was as it was beside the windows (although I was sitting on the grass and certainly couldn't see in). Fair enough I said, I'll go and sit on the wall in the carpark - which I'd avoided as it's public, not ideal when you need peace and quite and don't want people to see you crying and breathing funny.

That's when her face changed, she got all hard and official and said it would be better if I just went home. Home! She already knew I couldn't walk home yet. Then she said I should go to my old doctor in Edinburgh, 4 miles further away than home. I explained that I couldn't walk yet and needed to rest and she got really uptight and said if I had to rest I should go and do it out by the road because this was private property!!!

I seriously could not believe it. How can people be so nice one minute and so horrible the next? She never even helped me get 'off the premises' I had to hobble to the main gate and then sit at the side of the public library, opposite the shops and a reasonably busy road. It was SO humiliating and I was so sore and so angry that the tears really started flowing, I couldn't help it. My hands and legs were numb and trembling and my nose was running like crazy.

Thankfully my faith in humanity was restored by a kind woman who came over to check I was ok and gave me £1 so I could get a bus when I was well enough to walk. I wanted her details to pay her back but she insisted it was her good deed for the day. Lovely woman. Later as I walked v.e.r.y s.l.o.w.l.y for the bus a little old man offered me a lift to the bus stop. So sweet, and those two people did the more than anyone medical to make my breath settle, and my pulse slow down. And it took no effort at all, just a moments kindness.

So, breathing slowly and feeling calmer here's more lovely hazy blue/green tones by Felix Baumsteiger...