Friday, 30 March 2007

Thinking a lot


my one trip out since Marley left,
Mr P is only a few inches taller than me , and is wider, but that shadow has stretched us in opposite directions!

Ok I'll come clean, the stresses of March caught up with me and I've not been well this week, laid up in bed mostly (don't worry, this is an ongoing thing, I'm used to it) which I tend not to let on about here in blogland, but I'm struggling to keep up with my blog reading and my correspondence so I thought I should confess why. It's not all bad though as it does give me time to do a lot of thinking.

Sometimes the thinking is just 'why me' and I get a bit pitiful, but then I watch those programmes on Ch5 on Monday nights which documents the lives of people who've had real difficulties to overcome and I feel humbled and stop winging. I can still walk, I can still eat quite a lot of nice foods, I can see, hear, taste, feel and smell, I have all my limbs, my home is not in a war zone. I have a LOT to be thankful for, and sometimes I just need that little extra reminder.

So my thoughts shift to things more constructive, making mental, or if i'm a little better, actual written lists of what needs done in the next week or month. Not that I get it all done, I mean, so many blogs to read, emails to respond to and ideas to get out of my head and into the sketchbook... not to mention the 1000 photo's a month that I am averaging just now.

Sometimes it's more about where I'm going with my work now that my job has gone. That one is a real roller coaster of wonder and woe. I have all the wonderful wild fantasies about being self employed and selling the things I make and suddenly having the life I really want where I do what I love. Other times I'm more realistic about my utter inability to be business-like, to charge money for my work or to get through a tax return with my scalp intact. Not to mention the fact that I haven't actually got a habitable home from which to work!

So there is a lot of thinking going on right now and I seriously need to practise getting that thinking more balanced so that I can actually choose a path and start to walk in the right direction. Even if it is a long way, and even if it's full of bumps and ruts and prickly bushes, because I know full well that every road of that sort has gems if you pay attention. Little alpine flowers on the verges, or tough but beautiful weeds growing no matter how many people step on them. They are full of ever changing smells and colours and with each season they take on a new appearance. That's a path I want to walk along, instead of standing here at the crossroads being either too optimistic or too harsh about my chances on any given road. All roads will have sun and all will have storms, but hopefully the storms will be few with only light showers to keep those weeds moist and to make the ground smell sweeter as it dries in the sun.

I'm not going to re-read that incase it sounds like bollocks, which it very well may!

PS I still have lots of pre-drafted posts about jewellery and also my own work, but I'm just not in the frame of mind to post them just now. later.

8 comments:

Abigail said...

hi dear! :)

Thanks for your comm on my blog yesterday....if you fancy, I can send you tix for the dazzle preview...drop me an email [I have lost your address since changing emails myself! doh!}..have a lovely w/end

xx

samantha said...

life can just get so darn tough sometimes, cant it?! I find it is always getting in my way of actually getting stuff done too. I hope your thinking goes well.

lisa s said...

cally - it's OK to feel a bit sorry for oneself now and again.... and i love how you meander through your thoughts here....

big hugs!
xo

Janet said...

Hi! I have been reading your blog for a while and really enjoy it. You have such a great eye and seeing what you post makes me happy. We all feel sorry for ourselves sometimes ~ and that's okay! Hope you feel better soon.

O L G A said...

Dear You,

It is late and I am going to bed now. I will pray for you before I fall a sleep.

You do not only take great pictures Cally, You are also very good with words I think.

so long!

amy@remakeables.com said...

I guess being alone with your thoughts would do that to you, so please don't be too hard on yourself. I've been there, and I can tell you that yes, the things that are to come will definitely be much better – and when it does, you'll be swept off your feet. xoxo

julie said...

Cally, it seems to me you have much to give this world...everyone goes through these periods and thats part of life..take little steps towards your dream and you will make it!!
Feel better..i always do when i visit here :) xxx

amisha said...

dear cally... thinking of you and sending hugs... i agree with lisa, nothing wrong with feeling down now and again, it is part of the journey! and you have a remarkable gift to find beauty in so many places and moments. xo

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